Every weekday morning before I step into my office, I take a deep breath. I work for a small business and the majority of the time, it’s just me and my co-worker. My office environment is extremely stressful. My co-worker constantly makes just plain ignorant remarks regarding everything from race to history. It’s gotten to the point where sometimes, the only way I can get through my day is to ignore her altogether.
Complaining to the owners of the business would not do any good. She is foolish, and therefore they consider her harmless. (They’re also passive/aggressive with her, a story for another day.) She’s nice enough, I’m just appalled that a person could reach the age of fourty and just be so…
At first, I tried to educate her. Not all brown people are immigrants. Having a foreign accent does not mean a person is not a United States Citizen. France and Italy are two different countries with different cultures and languages. (Seriously.) Eventually, I figured out that she was either too dense, or just not interested in gaining the kind of knowledge I was offering. I guess it’s easier to cling to stereotypes than to learn something true. :-/
The scariest thing is that she is raising children. And my children will grow up and maybe one day have to be around (but I hope not) kids raised in homes like this. That’s what bothers me most. Here is a woman, a mother, not interested in gaining knowledge and learning truths about the things in her daily life, so that she can pass that knowledge on to her own kids. It’s just not something I’ve ever encountered before.
I know this is somewhat of a mean rant, but being around someone like that really takes a toll. KWIM? It’s the first time I’ve truly experienced what huge gaps there can be when it comes to race, culture, and education in this country. Yes, I’ve experienced racism and have dealt with ignorance, but not like this. And definitely not in a work setting!
In a lot of ways, I find Virginia to be quite more Southern than Texas. That’s interesting to me. Why yes, sociocultural anthropology is an interest of mine. How did you know? 
Parent/Teacher conferences were last night. Ruby is having some trouble with her letter spacing, so her teacher suggested an activity that she could do at home. She was giving us some related materials and before she handed them to me, she asked if Ruby had any books to read at home. W.T.F does that mean? I was so stunned, it didn’t even occur to me at the time to ask her what she meant. It could’ve been an innocent question: there is a reading log for pizza points program which we don’t participate in b/c I think it’s ridiculous to reward children for something as simple as reading…and with food no less. Can we say “future food issues”? So, maybe she thought we didn’t participate b/c we have no books (but damn, the public library is two blocks from the school!) But it could’ve also been a race related question.
Yes, I always have to take it there. I’m a black woman, and that’s how it goes. The school my children now attend is less diverse in every way than their last one. It’s one of the best rated schools in a well rated district. At our last school, I would make small gifts for the holidays and special days for their teachers b/c I wanted to. At the new school, I got a letter informing me of the teacher’s birth date and her likes (which included Nordstrom) and dislikes. I was also asked in the letter if I’d like to contribute to a Nordstrom’s gift card for the teacher. Um, no, but if Ruby wants, she can make a card! Maybe I should send a letter with my likes and dislikes to the room moms…hey, I like Nordie’s, too!
At our last school, we saw faces of all colors and had families from different socio-economic backgrounds. At our current school, the parking lot is filled with luxury cars and the occassional brown face peeks out in the halls among a sea of white ones. I know there are plenty of parents who would love for their children to attend such a “good” school, but that doesn’t make it perfect. The classes are large IMO, which means children like Ruby (who is quite meek in public) tend to not get noticed as much. A classmate bothered her for some time without the teacher noticing Ruby putting her hand up to complain. I finally spoke to the teacher in person and emailed her and Ruby was moved. Her teacher knows few personal details about Ruby and was in fact, surprised to learn that Ruby has an older brother who attends the school. How messed up is that?
If I don’t like it…why don’t I pull them out? Homeschool or private school? I can afford neither one of those options at present as I actually have to work now. In any event, doing either one of those things would not fix public schools for all the other optionless families.
It makes me a bit sad that so far her experience isn’t shaping up to be that great. Part of it is that she really misses our little neighborhood school: she had her best friend since age two across the hall, and teachers who knew her long before she ever entered their classrooms. I don’t think any place will ever come close to her beloved and now idealized Texas Elementary.
I’m still miffed about the books thing though. I mean, what was she thinking when she asked if we had books in our home. Wait, maybe she wasn’t thinking. That makes more sense to me. Thankfully, all this “drama” has taken place mostly in my head, with a little told to my mom (who wasn’t angry enough for my liking, she was busy making phonecalls for Obama), and now some on the page. The kids aren’t aware of this at all, and I’m going to be hopeful that Ruby’s teach doesn’t treat her like some type of bookless ragamuffin (though bookless ragamuffins deserve equal education, whatever their parents might decide that is)…and that we make it through the year without other ridiculous comments that cause me to rant on my blog!
Today, we had a conference with ZB’s teacher to find out wth is really going on in there. We talked about a lot including his math work (inconsistent grades), reading comprehension (I mentioned this before on the blog, and his teacher agrees) since they’re soon going to start reading books on a 4th and 5th grade level, and of course, good ‘ol penmanship.
We are trying to learn if his frustration over how hard the work is is causing him to have trouble writing (he’s never expressed this), and if the math and comprehension are just too hard. His teacher would like to keep him in the class, but I’m not so sure. She said he’s not progressing the way he should, and I guess I’m not surprised seeing that I had my doubts about the cluster class from the beginning. So, what DH and I have decided is to have him evaluated for learning disabilities (ok, DH actually wants to skip this part) and depending on the results, get him help, or move him to a regular 2nd grade classroom.
One thing that pissed me off is that during the meeting, the assistant principal popped into the room. She walked by the classroom earlier and said a (fake) hello when she me and DH. I bet she thought we would just see her yesterday, and then go our merry little way. She later came into the room under the guise of having to give something to ZB’s teacher. She interrupted our conversation and made it quite clear without actually saying the words, that she thought he would do better in another room. She went on about the other teacher’s experience, how well the kids in her class did, and blah, blah, blah. Oh, did I mention she’s(ass p) the school’s TAG coordinator, too? Boo!
Anyway, I just really want what’s best for DS. I even considered homeschooling for a bit. Right now, I still think that public school is the best place for ZB, despite the recent (aggravating) snags. That didn’t prevent me from taking The Well Trained Mind, The Unschooling Handbook*, Real-Life Homeschooling**, and a few others out from the library though. 
I think I’ll put those down and pick The New Public School Parent, Super Simple Origami, and A Child’s Book of Art*** up. I’m glad there’s no school tomorrow. I’m looking forward to just hanging out w/ my kiddos (I say that now…).
*I’ve actually taken this one out before, and like it! So, I won’t put it down.
**I read a few chapters, interesting, I’ll probably pick a few chapters to read.
***For our holiday projects!
DH and I had a conference with the assistant principal this morning. The suspension was not rescinded. The recommendation for disciplinary action came from his teacher. I was really surprised by that. She kept reiterating how she was giving him the minimum punishment since he would only be missing PE, music, and library this morning, and he’d still be able to go on his field trip this afternoon. We told her about the bullying and she assured us that bullying was taken seriously at the school and dealt with appropriately (suspension). ZB told me last night that both he and Mean Girl went to see the guidance counselor when the spitting thing happened.
Um, basically, since the teacher requested disciplinary action and since he had previous “incidents” (even if they were provoked), she had to suspend him (oh, wtfever). She mentioned that ZB had some history of not finishing his classwork in a timely fashion and that that behavior was seen as misconduct as well. I’m not kidding. If your kid can’t sit still and always finish his work on time in Yeehawsville, TX, it’s misconduct. Who the hell comes up with this terminology to describe the behavior of seven year olds? Probably school lawyers. Anyway, this is apparently not going to go on his permanent record. So, that’s good. Too bad I had to kiss my kid goodbye while he was on the verge of tears. OK, I didn’t have to, but I still believe there is more good than bad in (our) public school though I may live to eat my words.
Next up, a conference with his teacher, a visit to the guidance counselor, and a follow up letter. Sure, I can’t get them to take back the suspension, but they will know that my kid has parents who care for him and will stand up for him. I’m probably not going to blog about it anymore, but then again, I’m consistently inconsistent.
ZB was suspended on Friday. A half day in school suspension that he’ll serve on Monday. That’s the end, so let me go back to the beginning.
About 6 weeks ago, a really good friend of ZB’s, one he hangs out with outside of school and sees a fair amount of b/c I am friends with his mom, started bullying ZB (verbally). It was really surprising to me, and hurtful to ZB who had never dealt with something like that before. In the end, all was made better (but I still told ZB to keep his distance and the teacher moved their seats around).
I don’t remember when, but we attended a party for one of ZB’s classmates. I was really struck by the behavior of one of the little girls. She was sophisticated and sassy, what I would call facety when talking to West Indian friends. She made commentary on all the gifts in a snarky future mean girl way, and her father just sat and watched. I think that was the most surprising thing. He purposefully ignored her behavior. Not long after, ZB started to have problems with this child. You see, she had a friend that was always with her and ZB wanted to talk to this other friend. Mean girl would block access and so this upset ZB. Eventually, he ended up kicking her desk and then spitting (!) on her when he got mad (teacher was absent that day). We were really shocked by that as was his teacher since that kind of thing, well, he has never done before. His teacher was supposed to write it up, but didn’t since it hadn’t happen before and as she told me “Mean girl has a personality that is…difficult to mesh with.” This cemented for me that I wasn’t just imagining things, but that the girl really was somewhat annoying, lol. She still chases and annoys ZB and his friends, but I’ve told him to ignore her, or go to the teacher, guidance counselor, or some other adult in charge if she is taunting him.
This past Thursday, ZB’s teacher was absent. The sub he had was the same one present during the spitting incident. She’s also the parent of a girl in his class. During afternoon snack time, ZB took a snack that fell on the floor (it wasn’t his) and ate it. He also took a lego soldier that wasn’t his and played with it during free time. The sub didn’t notice, but ZB later confessed to her. She told me after school and I said I would talk to him about it. We decided on a punishment and he seemed remorseful, even telling me that I should punish him for a whole week (I did). He didn’t go to school Friday due to an appointment.
Friday morning, I got a call from the assistant principal (who handles student discipline) and was shocked when she told me he was being suspended. She told me that stealing was considered a serious offense and that she was giving him the minimum punishment. (It annoys me that the same rules can apply to second graders that apply to twelfth graders.) I guess that was the point where I was supposed to fall over over myself thanking her? Yea, that didn’t happen, heh. Anyway, I asked her to tell me where I could find this info and she reffered me to the conduct handbook and I agreed that per district rules, suspension was the thing. She went on to semi lecture me about how he is 7 (so old), in second grade (so big), and in the TAG class (so smart), so he should know better. Yada, yada, yada, I’m sure she was a perfect seven year old. By no means do I think my kid is innocent, and yes, he is being punished for his actions, but her tone was really…I don’t know, over the top? She also told me that she had heard about his “academic difficulties” which confused me. I really had to think for a second there. “Ooooh, you mean his penmanship?” Yes, that was it. Now that made me mad. I told her bad handwriting isn’t an academic difficulty, and she sorta backpedaled.
To end our conversation, she told me she looked forward to meeting me. What a laugh! That showed me that she had no idea who I was or who my kid was. I volunteer at the school, and even when I’m not doing that, I’m in the school building once or twice a week for something or other. The secretary is my next door neighbor, the guidance counselor taught ZB last year. It’s a small school. My kid has been there four years, two years longer than she’s been working there. So, I smirked, said goodbye, and shook my head again wondering at school administrators.
Posted this over at my old blog too…
ZB has always had bad handwriting. At best, it’s legible and sorta evenly spaced. At worst, its gobbledy gook. He has never had the best fine motor skills. I always attributed the bad handwriting to that and so we let him do things (play with legos, clay, etc) that would help build them. Today, his teacher expressed concern over the anxiety he now has over writing. It’s to the point that sometimes, he’s paralyzed by it. She says he has good ideas and I know he is doing well academically, he just gets so worked up about the writing thing. She sometimes makes him write things over (and he has a stress ball at his desk that he can squeeze if he feels a block), but only when they’re not readable. She doesn’t want him to feel like it’s this big thing that he has to overcome, but it is a little thing. His handwriting is not improving at all and I feel bad for his poor teacher who thinks that maybe he doesn’t like school (no, he loves it) and was on the verge of tears talking to me about this. She even asked if maybe he would like to move out of the cluster class. Personally, I don’t think handwriting is a big deal (mine is awful too), but I want his to be legible and somewhat evenly spaced. Basically, readable. At home and at school, he practices in handwriting workbooks, and over the summer, we tried to keep up his daily journal. I thought about doing Handwriting Without Tears which I heard about from Yo, but never got around to ordering the books. I haven’t done any googling yet, but I think I’m going to go with a simple reward system if all classwork is completed daily and legibly. DH and I are going to schedule a conference with his teacher once I decide what I’d like to do so we can come up with a plan of action for the classroom. So, what say you? Had this problem before? Have any advice? Think I should just quit my whining? LMK!
Here are some shots of him writing this afternoon. Check out the funky grip.
I’ve decided to try to blog once a week about current events of importance to parents. I read a lot daily along those lines and probab;y don’t pass along as much as I should!
So I was talking to my mom about this subject and decided to blog about it b/c it’s absolutely frightening.
I read this scary, but not surprising article in the Times last week which states that:
“Academic standards vary so drastically from state to state that a fourth grader judged proficient in reading in Mississippi or Tennessee would fall far short of that mark in Massachusetts and South Carolina, the United States Department of Education said yesterday in a report that, for the first time, measured the extent of the differences.”
Yikes! Texas ranks in the lowest third in almost all of the tests conducted. I’m not surprised as I don’t consider the work ZB does outstanding or particularly challenging (remember I talked about how academically ordinary he was?) yet I feel powerless to change it beyond the work that I do at home with him. I’m amazed that our school is considered one of the better ones in the district. Not because the teachers aren’t good or the families aren’t involved, quite the opposite. It just seems to me that the bar for “good” has been set quite low. I do offer him the best I have the means to. Don’t most good parents? And like a wise mama said, public school is not the devil. I would love to pick up and move somewhere with excellent public schools but that’s just not feasible right now (or sadly, maybe even ever). I’m doing the best that I can. Writing that reminds me of threads I would read on MDC by absolutist mamas telling the poster seeking advice that she positively must do a, b, and c or bad things would happen. If life was as simple as being able to change a not so good situation into a fantastic one with the flick of a wrist, there would be a lot less trouble in the world, no?
9 kids in ZB’s class did not pass to 2nd grade this year. That’s almost half of the class! Half! His teacher said she had never had that many students fail before and frankly, it’s just appalling! She shares an aide (don’t look so shocked or so smug) with another teacher and so I can imagine it would be difficult to manage a class that size on one’s own on a regular basis. Anyway, I heard all this from ZB’s best friend’s mom. She is very active in the school and a very involved parent. Anyway, her son did pretty well but was a little weak in math, a “B” student, so she elected to have him go to summer school to become stronger in that area. The teacher said that the majority of the children who were supposed to be in summer school, were not there! Now, we do live in a somewhat transitional city as a fair amount of the population is military, but if I remember correctly, the majority of ZB’s classmates did not come from military families. Broad generalization to follow: I know part of it is socioeconomic. We live in a working to middle class neighborhood and so financial, social, and educational issues probably come into play when deciding if to send one’s child for the summer or not (duh).
The question is, what do I do now? Become more active within our own school? My involvement has been limited thus far b/c of Bebe/childcare but I do as much as I can. Find out what the hell Texas (if anything) is doing or plans to do about this? That seems like a good idea. Challenge every person reading this to do the same in their state? That would work too. After all, no matter what type of school or unschool your child attends, the level of education every child in this country receives affects us in the long run, no? It’s a little cliche, but true.