tifi

• I got all set to start school again. I start an elementary education program tomorrow! All online. I am excited and determined to finish. At first, I thought I would do that, then get my MLS to become a librarian, but now, I am thinking of becoming a teacher after all. I know it’s twee and all, but maybe I’ll end up being someone who can make a difference.
• I took ZB to the neurologist about those headaches he’s had over the past year plus. She doesn’t think anything is seriously wrong, but she wants to do an MRI just to be sure. He also has a prescription for Maxalt now. I don’t know if I’m going to fill it though.
• We went back to the ADHD specialist, and I was pretty disappointed. He felt that meds were the way to go and that anything else wouldn’t work. What? Otay. Totally ignoring his advice and doing things my way (possible dietary changes, lots of exercise as usual, yoga, maybe acupuncture, maybe some other holistic stuff). The best thing to come out of this diagnosis deal has been getting ZB’s teacher to lay off.
• I’ve become a vegetarian. I’ve been “almost” vegetarian for a while now, rarely eating meat, but now I’ve cut it out all together. I don’t miss it at all. I don’t know if I’ll stay vegetarian, but I’m happy for now and trying to make sure I get all the proper nutrients.
• I have been purging more crap from around the house. Why does it feel so good to get rid of things you don’t need? I always tell DH that I don’t want to be one of those people that when I die, my family has to sort through loads of my junk. I am always working towards simplicity.
• I’ve had a lot of fun with my family including a field trip to the zoo with Kindy and 2nd grade. Pics to come, of course.

Today, I pledge to try and break my paper towel habit once and for all. I cloth diapered my kids, I clean with vinegar, baking soda and the like, but I just have never been able to give up paper towels. It’s a sickness! I ran out about 10 days ago and haven’t bought any since.  Wish me luck.

Thanks, Rose!

My Personality

I wrote this entry a few days ago and didn’t post it. The testing is now complete and the diagnosis is that ZB definitely has ADH/D. We go back soon for a more complete report. It’s not going to change much at home: I am not really bothered by his energy. I try to give him ways to expend it and work with it, but ultimately, it doesn’t bother me much. We’re going to do some behavioral therapy. Things will change things at school though. Do you know his teacher looked me in the eye and told me that the school will do nothing? That it is all medical? That is complete bullshit. I spoke to two friends, one used to work in Special Education (which ADD can be considered) in my school district, and the other has a son two years older than ZB in the same district. They gave me plenty of information about how to proceed.

Also, I am filing a complaint against his assistant principal for violating the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act last week. She discussed his past suspension with him in front of another student. I talk to my kids, I get details of their days. Did she think I wasn’t going to find out? I’m glad I have my salsa, who is super knowledgeable when it comes to all things public education. She’s the one who schooled me on FERPA, and she is going to make one fine teacher.

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My friend Tia sent me this link which is so timely and a little heartbreaking too. A little bit from the piece spoke to me:

“The eagle is the child who is turned into a troublemaker because he has his “own style” of doing things. While he is not doing anything “wrong”, his non-conforming is perceived as troublemaking, for which he is punished.” Ding, ding, ding, ladies and gentleman, I present to you, ZB.

I emailed her back and part of the email was about how I thought the stuff we have going on at school would never happen to me. I thought the parent that I am, the mother that I am, could protect him from this. No, our life is not perfect, but the education of my children is one of my top priorities and I just feel like I was so wrong about how I thought that education would happen. We are in the process of becoming statistics. A little black boy who can’t settle down in class and gets a label. But, that’s as far as it goes. My kid is a good student, and a good person. He is kind, outgoing, fun-loving and yes, sometimes a pita. But that doesn’t give Assy P the right to threaten him with suspension for “defiance”b/c he talked during storytime and has trouble standing on line.

On Friday, he will have ADHD testing. Even though I initially cried bs, I have now come to strongly believe that ZB may have ADHD. He seems absolutely incapable of doing things that his peers and siblings can do with ease or just a little prodding. He can not talk and stand still at the same time. He can not sit at a desk for even short periods of time working silently. He can not resist the urge to work ahead of his classmates. He can not clean his room without me sitting there giving him specific directions one thing at a time. About the only things he can do uninterrupted or passive activities like watching tv or playing video games. And those are things I limit.

My brother, who exhibited the same traits as a child was nicknamed “Tigger” and “jumping bean”. I would classify ZB as Tiggerx5. It doesn’t bother me most of the time, the constant energy and movement. I think it’s fine. Run around in circles till you fall down, if that’s what makes you happy and you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else. But in order to attend school, ZB must do thinks that he just can’t right now. He wants to, I can see it in his face when he comes out of school, knowing that his teacher is about to talk to me about his behavior. That bit really eats away at his self esteem which really breaks my heart b/c he is such a fun loving, light hearted child. He sees the school counselor (who was his first grade teacher) as needed. At least once a week, there is a written report that he “can’t sit still and follow directions”. This school year has been a nightmare, and I can’t wait for it to be over.

There hasn’t been a very good bluebonnet season near me this year, but that didn’t prevent us from going to the field closest to us last weekend. Note to self: find Girlie’s sandals. She just can’t go out in flip flops again!

We went to see the bluebonnets after a puppet show Saturday. It was a cool adaptation of Cinderella with The Harms Marionettes.

We also had two picnics: one on Friday, one on Sunday with Isabelle in the park. And we played lots of soccer and my team always won. Yay. The kids are off tomorrow and my birthday is Saturday, so this weekend better be even more fun than the last. Or else!

This morning I have already:

• Filled out all the paperwork for his pedi neuro appt (for his headaches), about 10 pages.
• Called the Family Policy Compliancy Office twice to find out if something that happened to him in school violates the FERPA.
• Called my insurance company since our doctor’s office has not scheduled an appt for ADHD testing after two months of waiting and phone calls. So, I got the number for a specialist.
• Made him snack b/c his approximately two weeks worth of snack disappeared from his locker over the weekend to which his teacher responded, according to him, “Oh well”. (Not the thing I called FPCO about) W.T.F?! I am too through, even my mama is talking about homeschooling, and she is an advocate of public school.

My cooking would always be good with food stored in such a cute fridge.

My cookware and utensils would be stored in an adorable little armoire that had been in my family for generations.

I’d whip up this apron while Bebe napped for 3 hours.

And I’d never lose my keys, purse, or shoes because they would all be kept in my fabulous mudroom.

My friend Tia visited Montreal recently, and so I asked her to pick up Marie Claire Idées (a French craft magazine) for me if she could find it. She did, and boy is it beautiful! She also sent me some Canadian Maple Syrup which I showed off to my family and then hid away. It’s mine, all mine…bwahahahaha.

Um, anyway, I love seeing pics from this magazine and I thought others might too, so here are a couple:

I’m pretty sure I need a lamp made out of teacups, saucers, and teapots.

Then, I need someone to come to my house and create this vignette somewhere.

Adorable French embroideries.

If I had such cute napkin rings, plates, bowls, and the like, I am convinced every meal would be perfect.

I think my mother forgets that I am not just her daughter. I am a mother, too. Every morning, I wake up and make breakfast. I supervise tooth brushing, and hair combing. I sign permission slips. I go to the playground, and to the library. In the afternoons, I help with homework, I make dinner, I rehash the school day. I ask nicely, and then I yell. I stay up late with sick kids. I clean throw-up and give medicine. I worry, I try not to worry. I am a mother, too. I research, I learn. I make the decisions I think are best for our family. I take them out, I show them things, I teach them. This is what mothers do.

Yet when I talk to my mother about things I feel are affecting my family and how I plan to address them, she discounts my opinion. Just because I do things differently, does not make what I do less right. It would be nice to have a mom who offers encouragement and advice rather than basically implying that I’m doing it wrong. It makes me feel 5 years old again, and then, I just want to cry. But instead, I get angry, I get huffy, I hang up the phone. I wonder if she knows how much it would mean to hear her say that I’m doing ok. That I have not screwed them up for life. That despite all my faults, I have pretty great kids, and that in part, it is because of me. Because I am a mother, too, and what could connect me more to my own than the sense of camaraderie that mothers share?

Cranford is on the spring lineup of Masterpiece Theatre! I read it last year when looking for books by Elizabeth Gaskell after seeing Wives and Daughters (which I still want to read).